I was reading an article by Danielle LaPorte and she spoke about how pain can be a gift. Here is an excerpt from the article: "As spiritual as it may appear, gratitude is not always the best initial response to a challenge. Our suffering doesn’t want to be denied or talked down to with spiritually “evolved” platitudes. It wants our attention—it’s screaming for it. When we paint over pain with premature positivity, we short circuit our healing. And that kind of avoidance actually makes us more susceptible to future wounding. It’s why the lesson keeps coming back. Maybe we should hold off on the spiritual sweetener, experience our genuine reaction to the upsetting event, and go from there."
Band aids on emotional pain seldom works and we have to be careful with praying for gratitude instead of doing the actual work. I can related to this article and I need to do some emotional pain-work on a deeper level. I tell my friends that I have been grieving something for a while but I don't really think I have touched the real issue deeper down in my soul. And my intuition has a good BS radar and has been telling me that it is time to sit down and have a convo with the pain or I will seek similar experiences in the future and accumulate more pain. I am sure you can relate.
The fall is here and I can easily be a hermit and get down to business ;P. Time to do some healing work again.
Maybe you weren't ready, maybe you did not listen, maybe you were not supposed to take that path with that person at this time, maybe you did not know what to do, maybe you were in resistance mode and did not hear any of the advice that you were supposed to listen to, maybe you were stubborn and maybe you were not ready to take that leap of faith....Maybe you are ready now.... Never, ever beat yourself up because it took you this long to move on...
When people are having a bad attitude remember that it can be a wall of protection. They are trying to protect themselves from pain. Not using this as an excuse but there is always a reason for a behaviour. Or they just like to intimidate others. The best way of dealing with bullies is to be very straight forward. I remember a time when a person tried to intimidate me with their bad attitude, I stopped the conversation and told the person that I do not need all that attitude and wish we could speak on a more mature level. The person immediately collapsed and retreated and I never had a problem again.
The younger generation is really stepping up in many ways. Climate change gatherings and coming together to help us 'old' folks to wake up and do something to save our planet. And another aspect that I am kind of embracing is how the younger generation have a healthier attitude around work and life balance. I have taken a lot of pride in my work ethic and do not like when I see people slacking off at work. There is one thing not being self-directed and resourceful to find solutions to problems but it is another when people want a healthy and balanced life. I can see how the younger generations does not want to follow us in our footsteps on how to live life as many of us are not happy. Many people live a very stressful life with all kinds of mental health issues which does not translate to a life the younger generations wants to take after. I totally get that :). Maybe we have to check out the younger generation and how they priorities their lives? Maybe we have proven ourselves that we are great workers, working bees and it is time to focus on solitude and relaxation doing things that makes us happy? Something to think about.
There are people (me included) who believe that making plans and having goals are the only ways to achieve success. We imagine, for example, that that’s how great musicians, writers, artists come to be.
However, the best way to live is from moment to moment. You can have a dream like wanting to become a musician, but if you postpone your life until you achieve that dream, you will only suffer. Instead, live in the moment. Play your music freely, paint like a mad man, and if your practice brings you success, then that’s great, but it shouldn’t be the be-all and end-all. Nature puts all of this in perspective and so does my little girl Stella <3.
I have to add some information from GQ. I read about Brad Pitt today in GQ and the article stated: "He said he still enjoyed acting, but he didn't want to center his life around it anymore. He was done living through the movies, he said: “There was just too much emphasis on finding interesting characters. I went, ‘Fuck me, man. Live an interesting life and the rest will take care of itself.’ Like, ‘You go out and you…live an interesting life. Get out and have real experiences.’ And that is what informs the work. Not going to find the interesting work and then trying to make it up. I just became more conscious of how I was living versus what I was living for.”
It’s a fairly common feeling to feel isolated and alone, as though you were somehow cut off from society. But that’s not true. We are all part of a larger community and society.
According to Adlerian psychology, community is of central importance to humans. For Adler, community doesn’t just include those we spend most of our time with or people who live on the same block.
Adler talks about what he calls a global community. This includes everything and everyone: any plant, mineral or animal across the entire universe. The idea is that humans should be able to find fulfillment by developing themselves as part of this massive community. As soon as we realize how we might fit into this grand scheme, we’ll start to act differently. We’ll begin to pay more attention to things around us and begin to care a little bit more.
Change occurs partly because we realize we’re not actually the center of the universe around which all else revolves. Phew, what a relief right?
Of course, it’s quite normal for people to see themselves as the main protagonist in their own lives. The problems starts when we draw the false conclusion that we’re even bigger than that.
If we do start thinking that we’re the grand high admiral of the cosmic expanse then inevitably we’ll interact with people only thinking in terms of what they can give or do for us. There’s no reciprocity.
Attitudes like that will only lead to frustration, as nobody is actually that important; and most people do not care about others that much, they are busy thinking about themselves and how they are perceived by others!!.
We have to flip it around, don’t think in terms of what the world can give to you. Expectations like that will get you nowhere, instead think about what you can give to the world! Volunteering is a good starting point and a shortcut to feel better.
'Adlerian therapy is a short-term, goal-oriented, and positive psycho dynamic therapy based on the theories of Alfred Adler—a one-time colleague of Sigmund Freud. Adlerian therapy focuses on the development of individual personality while understanding and accepting the interconnections of all humans.' -Psychology Today. Adlerian therapy was one of my favourite psychology therapies when I went to school.
You know that our social circles are made up of all sorts of character types and personalities. The easiest definition is the one between optimists and pessimists. We all know them, and we might think that their personalities are fixed, traditional psychology has encouraged us to think like that. But I don't think our personalities are fixed just like the Adlerian psychology highlights. The term lifestyle is used in Adlerian psychology to describe what traditional psychology refers to as character or personality.
Adler claimed that we actively choose our lifestyles and worldviews around the age of ten. This decision is based on previous life experiences, both positive and negative.
Think of all the people that you know who talk a lot about their unhappiness, and how they want their lives to be different. You might get the impression that they do want to change, but actually the reverse is true. According to the research I did around Adlerian psychology, if people really wanted things to be different, they would have done something about it already. And I have to agree as I have seen this kind of behaviour over and over and over again as a coach. People talk about change but they do not show a plan of action and if they do have a plan they usually do not act on it. People may dislike their current situations, but at least they are comfortable knowing what they’re dealing with and change, on the other hand, requires courage, work, work and some more work. Being self-aware comes with a price, you have to do a lot of purging and learning on how you work and what your triggers are. All of this is hard work! And you have to be ready to face the unknown, and of course, the possibility that you may fail.
The classic case is the unhappy single person. She has been alone for years, but she can’t build up the courage to get out there and meet new people. Networking and socializing are too much for her, let alone dating. We all get set in our ways and in some ways attached to our solitude and unhappiness and better the devil you know than the risk of getting hurt. I wish we could all ease up a little around rejection, it happens to everyone, who cares, move on and create the life you want. But I should not judge, I remember how hard it was when I was dating and looking for somebody and I wanted to throw in the towel so many times.
I am all for letting my home and living space breath. I don't like clutter at all, can't do it. It feels like if my home is cluttered I can't have a cluttered brain lol. However, I do not usually have a cluttered mind but it gives me permission to have the choice to have a clutter-brain or not :P. But I do have to be mindful not clutter my walls with to many paintings.
When you stand in your truth you give other people permission to do the same. That is one of the reason I really do not like fake people because they are robbing other peoples opportunity to be real. Give yourself permission to speak your truth today and you will feel more at peace because you are getting rid of fear of rejection and negativity in your soul.
"You can have regret from yesterday, fear tomorrow, but peace today by sharing your heart's deepest feelings. A life spent being fearful of showing your soul is a life not worth living" - S. Alder
My name is Annica Johansson and I am a Career and Talent Coach. I am writing about personal development, daily musings, spirituality and depicting mother nature's amazing beauty.