It’s a fairly common feeling to feel isolated and alone, as though you were somehow cut off from society. But that’s not true. We are all part of a larger community and society.
According to Adlerian psychology, community is of central importance to humans. For Adler, community doesn’t just include those we spend most of our time with or people who live on the same block.
Adler talks about what he calls a global community. This includes everything and everyone: any plant, mineral or animal across the entire universe. The idea is that humans should be able to find fulfillment by developing themselves as part of this massive community. As soon as we realize how we might fit into this grand scheme, we’ll start to act differently. We’ll begin to pay more attention to things around us and begin to care a little bit more.
Change occurs partly because we realize we’re not actually the center of the universe around which all else revolves. Phew, what a relief right?
Of course, it’s quite normal for people to see themselves as the main protagonist in their own lives. The problems starts when we draw the false conclusion that we’re even bigger than that.
If we do start thinking that we’re the grand high admiral of the cosmic expanse then inevitably we’ll interact with people only thinking in terms of what they can give or do for us. There’s no reciprocity.
Attitudes like that will only lead to frustration, as nobody is actually that important; and most people do not care about others that much, they are busy thinking about themselves and how they are perceived by others!!.
We have to flip it around, don’t think in terms of what the world can give to you. Expectations like that will get you nowhere, instead think about what you can give to the world! Volunteering is a good starting point and a shortcut to feel better.
'Adlerian therapy is a short-term, goal-oriented, and positive psycho dynamic therapy based on the theories of Alfred Adler—a one-time colleague of Sigmund Freud. Adlerian therapy focuses on the development of individual personality while understanding and accepting the interconnections of all humans.' -Psychology Today. Adlerian therapy was one of my favourite psychology therapies when I went to school.
You know that our social circles are made up of all sorts of character types and personalities. The easiest definition is the one between optimists and pessimists. We all know them, and we might think that their personalities are fixed, traditional psychology has encouraged us to think like that. But I don't think our personalities are fixed just like the Adlerian psychology highlights. The term lifestyle is used in Adlerian psychology to describe what traditional psychology refers to as character or personality.
Adler claimed that we actively choose our lifestyles and worldviews around the age of ten. This decision is based on previous life experiences, both positive and negative.
Think of all the people that you know who talk a lot about their unhappiness, and how they want their lives to be different. You might get the impression that they do want to change, but actually the reverse is true. According to the research I did around Adlerian psychology, if people really wanted things to be different, they would have done something about it already. And I have to agree as I have seen this kind of behaviour over and over and over again as a coach. People talk about change but they do not show a plan of action and if they do have a plan they usually do not act on it. People may dislike their current situations, but at least they are comfortable knowing what they’re dealing with and change, on the other hand, requires courage, work, work and some more work. Being self-aware comes with a price, you have to do a lot of purging and learning on how you work and what your triggers are. All of this is hard work! And you have to be ready to face the unknown, and of course, the possibility that you may fail.
The classic case is the unhappy single person. She has been alone for years, but she can’t build up the courage to get out there and meet new people. Networking and socializing are too much for her, let alone dating. We all get set in our ways and in some ways attached to our solitude and unhappiness and better the devil you know than the risk of getting hurt. I wish we could all ease up a little around rejection, it happens to everyone, who cares, move on and create the life you want. But I should not judge, I remember how hard it was when I was dating and looking for somebody and I wanted to throw in the towel so many times.
I am all for letting my home and living space breath. I don't like clutter at all, can't do it. It feels like if my home is cluttered I can't have a cluttered brain lol. However, I do not usually have a cluttered mind but it gives me permission to have the choice to have a clutter-brain or not :P. But I do have to be mindful not clutter my walls with to many paintings.
When you stand in your truth you give other people permission to do the same. That is one of the reason I really do not like fake people because they are robbing other peoples opportunity to be real. Give yourself permission to speak your truth today and you will feel more at peace because you are getting rid of fear of rejection and negativity in your soul.
"You can have regret from yesterday, fear tomorrow, but peace today by sharing your heart's deepest feelings. A life spent being fearful of showing your soul is a life not worth living" - S. Alder
Say yes to life! Say yes to an adventure, new business opportunity, to moving, say yes to things that may be outside your comfort zone. You have to keep on moving and challenge yourself. Doesn't matter if you fail, you will get one step closer to your goals if you act on opportunities being shown to you.
What would happen if you reached out to the person who may have the answer to your goals and dreams and ask them for advice or guidance? They may be able to give you tips and advice that will give you a short cut to get where you want to be. What if they say yes I can do that for you? Or they may say no but you will still feel empowered that you reached out. It's true, when you take a risk you will build self-esteem and feel better about yourself because you have just proven to yourself that you can do scary stuff!
Life can be a bit much sometimes, so many things on the plate and not able to organize it all. If you find days go speeding by and it feels like you don’t even have a moment to breathe, that’s a sign that something needs to change.
Maybe you need to get your priorities in order or you’ll find other people’s demands and requests will swallow you up. Above all, if you work out what’s important to you, then your life will become more meaningful as a consequence.
Meaning also comes from other areas of life. Deep friendships and relationships will help, as will giving yourself time to relax. I am having a plan to change scenery every 90 days, which I am doing more often anyway but good to have written down on my to do list.
Time out from a stressful life on a regular basis will bring more meaning and joy and everyone around you will be thankful that you are taking time out. I am sure they know that you are under a lot of stress and want the old you back. They want to see you happier and healthier :) so write down regular time off in your weekly schedule!
What if you are so powerful that other people will be intimidated? What if you are so successful that others will speak behind your back? What if you are so unlimited and happy that others will turn their back towards you? Then those people have no place in your life and it is time to find other people to play with and to share your life with. Life is an ongoing growing cycle that has to be lived on your terms. Only you know what you need to be happy. To not follow your dreams and your potential will only, at the end, create misery and unhappiness. Follow your path, your sun, your stars, your way without regrets or any kind of excuses that you should hold back. You have held back enough, it is your time to shine so bright that you can’t turn back.
Even though I don't want to go anywhere else than being here on VI in the summer, a change in scenery does your soul good. I am trying to go away every 90 days to get inspired and to get out of my same old routine. But I do miss my painting supplies and having the ability to paint on a whim so I am coming back home all excited. Found different art galleries here in Alert Bay and I love seeing different art being displayed in the same room but I was missing a glass of champagne lol (jk).
My name is Annica Johansson and I am a Career and Talent Coach. I am writing about personal development, daily musings, spirituality and depicting mother nature's amazing beauty.